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Frequently Asked QuestionsWhat is a Cuddle Party?This whole Cuddle Party thingy sounds weird. Is it? Why would anyone want to cuddle with a bunch of strangers? This is really just an excuse to have an orgy, right? Do PJs really stay on the whole time? What if something "comes up"? (AKA, Arousal and the Erection Phenomenon...) How on Earth are the limits enforced? Cuddle Lifeguard On Duty? What's that? What's the job of the Cuddle Caddy? Are there a bunch of pajama-wearing weirdos there? Do I have to cuddle everybody at the party? I only want to cuddle with hot people. How can I make sure that happens? Is that a bad thing, that I only want to cuddle the people I'm attracted to? What do I do if no one wants to cuddle me? Are Cuddle Parties therapy? Is this a singles event? Do you allow people to come to parties if their partners don't know about it? What's all the emphasis on having to arrive on time? It doesn't sound very relaxing. Welcome Circle? Sounds New Age-y... This isn't some 60's encounter group thing is it? Are the parties gender balanced? What's the ideal size for a Cuddle Party? How long does a Cuddle Party last? Can you pay at the door? Do I arrive in my pajamas, or can I change there? Why are Cuddle Parties usually nonalcoholic events? Can I get stoned at a Cuddle Party? I want to throw a Cuddle Party at home. How do I do that? Can I become a Cuddle Party Lifeguard and throw my own Cuddle Parties? What the heck is a Puppy Pile? Are you guys willing to sell out? It is an event for adults to get together and explore affectionate touch and communication without it becoming sexualized. At these events, we create the safe space to talk about and explore what our needs are as adults when it comes to affection, intimacy and welcomed touch. In other words, CUDDLING! For a longer explanation, check out the article What Is a Cuddle Party?. This whole Cuddle Party thingy sounds really weird. Is it? Not really. While coming together for an event such as this might seem a little odd, our need for contact, touch, and affection is proven. Affectionate touch is necessary for healthy immune systems, good mental health, and the development of our brains and nervous systems. It can reduce stress levels and help sick or injured people to heal. Touch is a means of communication with the people around us. Practicing welcomed, affectionate touch without sexualizing it can improve relationships of all kinds. Touch is one of the five senses, and as such, it is one of the ways we learn about the world. It feeds and nurtures us. So why do we think that past a certain age we as human beings no longer need to be touched - unless it's sexual or your doctor is giving you a physical? This is the real weirdness: past the age of twelve or so, we're supposed to curtail our physical contact with other adults. As adults we STILL NEED TO BE HELD! Held, hugged, touched, stroked, caressed, piled atop on, reclined across, nuzzled, and affectionately massaged. Cuddle Parties are a place to begin exploring and reclaiming the sense of affectionate touch and play we naturally displayed and enjoyed as children, and that we need to be happy, healthy adults. Why would anyone want to cuddle with a bunch of strangers? It's different for everybody. Many of our FTC's (First Time Cuddlers) don't want to cuddle with strangers at all, but during the Welcome Circle people find out that many people there have shown up for similar reasons. Once we've taken the first step in getting to know one another, it's surprising easy to want to reach out and rub someone's shoulders, or ask for a hug. For some, attending a Cuddle Party is a good way to meet new and interesting people and to take a look at the state of touch, affection and intimacy in today's world. For others, it's a means of exploring their touch and communication boundaries. For still others, it's a safe way to get some good, clean affection. This is really just an excuse to have an orgy, right? Short answer: No. A Cuddle Party is a non-sexual event. Sorry, no sex, folks! Do PJs really stay on the whole time? Yep. What if something "comes up"? (AKA, Arousal and the Erection Phenomenon...) Erections. Erections. ERECTIONS. There, we said it. When men get aroused, they sometimes get erections. Arousal is an inherent part of being human. But somehow, somewhere, many of us began to believe that we must act on this arousal whenever it showed up, as if we may never have another chance to be horny again and we must strike while the iron is hot, so to speak. Well, this attitude has caused all sorts of weirdness in our society and massive miscommunications between the sexes. Since Cuddle Parties are safe spaces for adults to explore and practice affectionate touch without sexualizing it, and since the state of arousal is natural for us human beings, it's no surprise that erections sometimes do occur. Our goal is not to teach men how not to get erections. Instead, we want to make normal functions and needs of human beings seem, well, "normal." We strive not only to free people of the awkwardness surrounding arousal, but to allow them to develop some real coordination around it. At a Cuddle Party, erections become Mother Nature's way of giving us the thumbs-up sign. Nothing's wrong. Nothing's dirty. Nothing's suspect. And as long as you're not dry humping anyone (Rule #7), it's completely okay. Really. How on Earth are the limits enforced? It's easy. Just follow the Cuddle Rules. Of course, you won't be alone in upholding the Cuddle Law. We'll go over the rules and answer any questions that come up during the Welcome Circle. You'll have the rest of the Cuddle Monsters present on the same page as you, plus the added support of the Cuddle Party Lifeguard On Duty and the Cuddle Caddy to ensure that the safe space policies of Cuddle Party are honored. Cuddle Lifeguard On Duty? What's that? Cuddle Lifeguards are a select group of amazing individuals who are specially trained and certified in how to facilitate Cuddle Parties. They are responsible for ensuring the integrity of the room, meaning that no sex happens, that everyone feels safe, and that the sexual energy, when it shows up, is dispersed safely. They, along with the Cuddle Caddy, facilitate the Welcome Circle and make sure everyone gets taken care of. What's the job of the Cuddle Caddy? Cuddle Caddies assist the Cuddle Lifeguards. Their job is to help out, by checking people in, answering questions and backing up the Lifeguard. They too are trained, but their training isn't as intense or long as the certification to become a Cuddle Lifeguard. Think of Cuddle Caddies as the flannel sidekicks of the Cuddle Party Dynamic Duo. Will there be a bunch of pajama-wearing weirdos there? People from all walks of life, all age groups, all backgrounds and all income levels attend Cuddle Parties. We've had lawyers, financial analysts, yoga instructors, moms, dads, system administrators, artists, students, psychoanalysts, grandparents, nurses, hippies, entrepreneurs, contractors, musicians... Well, you get the picture. Do I have to cuddle everybody at the party? You don't have to cuddle anybody if you don't want to. You can attend the whole event and not cuddle a single person. Really. For some people just being in a room filled with strangers in pajamas is a breakthrough. We don't believe in forced cuddling, and you are free to cuddle (or not) with anyone you want, provided that you get a verbal Yes. I only want to cuddle with hot people. How can I make sure that happens? Turn off the air conditioner... Oh, wait. Nevermind. If you only want to cuddle with "hot people" we suggest that you only invite and make requests for cuddling to/from those individuals whom register on your Hottie Radar. It's perfectly okay to only want to cuddle with those you find attractive. Of course, check in with yourself to make sure that you're okay with receiving a No before extending invites and making requests. Is that a bad thing, that I only want to cuddle the people I'm attracted to? Absolutely not. Why do anything that you are not wanting to do, or, in other words, are attracted to doing? There's nothing wrong with wanting to cuddle people you're attracted to. In fact, we encourage that you cuddle only the people you're attracted to. Now what "attracted" means to you may have a much wider range than you think it does when you're in a safe space, and we invite you to explore that at your own pace. What do I do if no one wants to cuddle me? This question comes up A LOT, so you're not alone if you share this concern. Basically, this question is all about Rejection. That's Rejection with a capital "R", the kind of rejection that deeply scarred us sometime around 7th grade when we had to walk all the way back across the gymnasium after everyone heard us get a no to "Would you like to dance?" That rejection was proof positive that we were unliked and unwanted, and a loser. And it still means that today, right? Well, actually, now that you asked, rejection isn't proof of anything other than someone saying no. It could mean a million different things than what you're spinning in your 7th grader mind right now. And a no today doesn't necessarily mean a no next week or even an hour from now (and a yes today doesn't mean an automatic yes next week either for that matter). So stop pummeling yourself already, alright? Let's give that brain a rest. Since Cuddle Parties are a safe space for people to experiment with and explore making requests and extending invitations, we'd better make Cuddle Parties safe spaces to experience and explore rejection too. So we do just that during the Welcome Circle. Aren't you lucky? "Safe space to experience and explore rejection?" Sounds like crazy talk. Well, it is to most of us. Most people have absolutely no coordination with handling rejection in an adult way, and by adult I mean any other, more upgraded version of handling rejection, than "My life is over if they say No, so I'm not even going to ask!" We're all stuck in our awkward 7th grader phase when it comes to anyone saying No to us. That's the bad news. The good news is that we don't have to remain tripping over ourselves, voices cracking when it comes to worrying about rejection. A Cuddle Party becomes a safe space to explore and push through the worries concerning "What if no one wants to cuddle me?" when we realize the rest of the room shares the exact same insecurity. Go ahead, ask them - Yes, even the pretty people. Nearly all of us have the worry that no one will pick us. That's all of us, even if it's just for a fleeting second. Insecurity is completely normal. The only difference between anyone at a Cuddle Party is that with some of us, that fleeting second of a thought draaaaaags on for hours. Or at least seems like it does. With a little courage, some practice and a smidgen of safe space you'll be amazed how quickly you can leave such insecurities behind and jump across that chasm of fear to see what it's like on the other side where the next concern becomes "What if someone WANTS to cuddle me?" Try that problem on for size, you coordinated cuddle monster, you! Cuddle Parties are intended for people who are well. People who need professional care should consult trained health care professionals. Cuddle Parties are not intended as substitutes for therapy. If you're someone who is currently in therapy or seeing a mental health care professional, we recommend that you consult your doctor(s) and talk to them about attending a Cuddle Party before you do so. We'd also appreciate it if you gave us a heads up on your situation too. Any such disclosures will be held in strict confidence, but our Cuddle Lifeguards reserve the right to ask you not to attend a Cuddle Party at their discretion. Cuddle Parties are open to everyone, regardless of relationship status. Singles in particular seem to flock to Cuddle Parties, because they are a safe, fun, and non-alcoholic way to meet other people, but we frequently have couples attend as well. If you have a partner, but are attending alone, we encourage you to discuss things beforehand. Do you allow people to come to parties if their partners don't know about it? If you're in a relationship, we strongly recommend that you talk to your significant other(s) regarding attending Cuddle Parties and agree on your rules and boundaries beforehand. Sneaking out for an illicit spooning is very un-cuddly! Regardless of whether your partner is present at the event or not, we don't want you breaking any relationship agreements. A good rule of thumb is this, "If you think you're getting away with something, then you need to have a talk." We recommend lots of full disclosure as soon as possible, which includes going over the Cuddle Rules, discussing why you want to attend, and creating boundaries which make one another feel safe and honor your relationship before you jump into your pajamas and head off to the nearest Cuddle Party. After the Cuddle Lines have been drawn, stick to your agreements for the whole party and adjust your agreements afterwards if necessary for the next party. Trust us on this Before and After point, folks. Trying to re-negotiate boundaries during an event often ends poorly. If this seems completely out of the question to you and you think we're absolutely out of our minds, we invite you to consider hiring us for some personal relationship coaching. Creating safe space for self-expression and communication in relationships is one of our specialties, and we may be able to help you see how you can take your relationship(s) to new levels. What's all the emphasis on having to arrive on time? It doesn't sound very relaxing. The reason we make such a big deal out of arriving on time is because the essential ingredient in creating Safe Space at a Cuddle Party involves having everyone at the Welcome Circle. Arriving on time might be stressful for some folks, so plan accordingly. Arrive early enough such that you've got time to change into your pajamas, sign in, go to the bathroom if you need to, and settle in before we kick off the event. Welcome Circle? Sounds New Age-y... This isn't some 60's encounter group thing is it? An encounter group might be a familiar term for those Cuddle Monsters who experienced the 60's, but "Welcome Circle" is the best term we could come up with because, well, everyone sits more or less in a circle and your Cuddle Party Lifeguard On Duty and Cuddle Caddy "welcome you." Aside from that, the Welcome Circle is how the whole "Safe Space" thing gets created, and everyone's led through a few outrageously silly and powerful exercises that begin to break down the weirdness we have ingrained in us concerning touch, and affection, and communication (or lack thereof). The Welcome Circle is also the space where people are encouraged, if they want to, to introduce themselves and share why they came to the Cuddle Party in the first place. This is when people begin to realize that the stranger sitting across from them in their PJ's isn't so strange after all. Are the parties gender balanced? Unless it is specifically a single-sex party, we strive to keep things as 50/50, boy/girl as we can, but our experience is that a few more or a few less y-chromosomes here and there doesn't hurt. What's the ideal size for a Cuddle Party? Somewhere between 10 and 20 people seems to be the ideal size for a Cuddle Party because it's just enough people to be able to connect with during the three and a half hours a Cuddle Party lasts. But there's no hard and fast rule on size since we've had powerful cuddle experiences happen with as little as six Cuddle Monsters present, and have easily managed to cuddle groups over twenty with no loss of the warm fuzzies. How long does a Cuddle Party last? Usually they last about three and a half hours, although the length may vary a bit for special events. Yes, but admission is not always guaranteed. We recommend RSVP'ing and paying in advance to ensure your spot. Refer to our refund policy for further information. Do I arrive in my pajamas or can I change when I get there? While we think the world might be a better place if we all drove or rode the subway in our PJs, we do have space for you to change when you get here. Why are Cuddle Parties usually nonalcoholic events? Great question. When we first started holding Cuddle Parties we actually recommended that people bring some champagne so they could make mimosas if they wanted to. What we discovered was that people brought champagne but no one drank it. Go figure! Eventually we nixed the whole alcohol idea because the cuddling experience was so powerful and people were feeling so safe that they just didn't need it. Now, some folks who hire us to create Private Cuddle Events or Cuddle Birthday Parties may wish to include alcohol in the evening's celebration itinerary, but we always create Cuddle Parties with the intention that the people who attend feel safe and remain present to their experience. Cuddle Parties and other affectionate play events are places to get in touch, not to check out. Getting drunk is not good cuddle manners and it's not what we're committed to. Can I get stoned at a Cuddle Party? Illegal drug use of any kind at a Cuddle Party is not cuddly. Cuddle Parties are safe spaces for adults to explore affectionate touch without sexualizing it, and without drug use. I want to throw a Cuddle Party at home. How do I do that? We currently offer training for people who wish to become certified Cuddle Party facilitators. Learn more about training. Can I become a Cuddle Party Lifeguard and throw my own Cuddle Parties? Check out our Cuddle Party Lifeguard Training Program to see if you're called to being an official, certified Cuddle Party facilitator. You may also want to look into our Cuddle Caddy Training Program as well. What the heck is a Puppy Pile? A Puppy Pile is when a bunch of people crawl atop one another and cozy up, like puppies do just before they fall asleep. Some of us recall similar moments as children piled on top of one another in front of the TV or scrambling for a King of the Mountain moment on a bunk bed with our friends and cousins. Think of a rugby scrum but with everyone in pajamas, and no one biting anyone's ear. For a really excellent description of a puppy pile, check out Nerve.com's article about us. Are you guys willing to sell out? Our committment is to maintaining the integrity of Cuddle Parties as safe spaces for non-sexualized affectionate play. Provided that that committment is not compromised, Marcia and Reid are otherwise completely willing to sell themselves out, as long as it's to someone fun and makes us look even crazier and cooler than we already are! In particular, we would love to hear from Nutella, Apple Computers, Ben & Jerry's ice cream, and Bailey's Irish Cream, without all of which this operation would not have survived this far. Also, coffee. REiD loves his coffee (with Bailey's!) |
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