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Tales from the Puppy Pile

Cuddling: The New Singles Scene?

by REiD Mihalko, the Sultan of Snuggle

One of the common assumptions made when people first hear about Cuddle Party is that it's the new hip n’Äô happenin’Äô singles event, where people can meet, greet and (potentially) mate. This interested us, because Cuddle Parties were never intended to be ’Äúsingles events.’Äù They are, first and foremost, events for adults to explore and practice welcomed, non-sexual touch, affection, intimacy and communication in a safe space, and are, in my mind, as far from Speed Dating as it gets. But ’Äúsafe space’Äù to connect with people is safe space whether you’Äôre single or married with children, right? And if you happen to be on the market for a relationship and happen to meet someone you jibe with at a Cuddle Party, why wouldn’Äôt you ask them out?

Just because ’ÄúNO DRY HUMPING!’Äù is a Cuddle Party mantra doesn’Äôt mean ’ÄúNo dating’Äù should be too. Or should it?

Marcia and I are all about consenting adults consenting to whatever it is they want to consent to, as long as they abide by the Rules of Cuddle Party while at a Cuddle Party. Truth be told, people have met at Cuddle Parties, exchanged numbers and gone out on dates, but does this mean Cuddle Parites are ripe environments for Cupid’Äôs work? Are Cuddle Parties the next dating trend? Will online dating services be sponsoring Cuddle Parties in a city near you? What about the Want Ads?

Single, getting fit, vegetarian Cuddle Monster seeking non-smoking, cat-friendly Cuddle Monster for spooning, walks along the beach, movie dates, maybe more...

What’Äôs stopping Cuddle Parties from becoming the next, big, singles movement, and would it be such a bad thing? Let’Äôs see...

Cuddle Parties are about communication as much as they are about touch. Rule #3 states that you’Äôve got to ask permission and recieve a verbal Yes before you can touch, cuddle, kiss, or nuzzle anyone. If you say No to someone’Äôs request, they have to respect your No or else they’Äôre asked to leave. Wouldn’Äôt that be a nice rule to have during Happy Hour at your local watering hole?

Cuddle Parties are non-alcoholic, no-drug events, so you don’Äôt need to worry about making a fool out of yourself because Mr. Right only walked into the bar when you were on your third Cosmopolitan. This also eliminates the drunken jerk factor of having to deal with the slurred ’ÄúAw why won’Äôt you give me your number?’Äù Of course, you don’Äôt get to take the edge off your nervous excitement with that glass of Pinot Grigio, but neither does anyone else at the Cuddle Party, so you’Äôre pretty much even there. And, let’Äôs not forget that the Welcome Circle is designed to get a whole room full of strangers not feeling like strangers. Talk about breaking the ice, huh? Your Cuddle Lifeguard On Duty is like the ultimate Wing-Man or Wing-Woman.

The age old worry of ’ÄúWhat do I wear?’Äù also gets taken out of the picture. Marcia and I have found that pajamas are a great social equalizer. Everyone has to wear pj's, or, at least, sweats and a t-shirt. Something comfy. And if they don’Äôt match, so much the better! This means no $1200-suit-and-tie egos leaning over you at the bar trying to give you their business card. It means not having to worry whether your jewelry matches your handbag. Or whether your shoes are shiny enough and expensive enough to catch anyone’Äôs eye. And, the added plus: If you feel most comfortable and at home in flannels and a tee, you don’Äôt have to pretend otherwise at a Cuddle Party!

Cuddle Parties aren’Äôt very strenuous, so you don’Äôt have that ’Äúat the gym’Äù worry of meeting someone for the first time all sweaty and gross, and you’Äôll never embarrass yourself by getting caught staring at yourself flexing in the mirror. Also, Cuddle Parties are safer since you’Äôre never going to fall off the treadmill or drop a dumbbell on your head (although getting caught on the bottom of Puppy Pile could be a problem!).

The music isn’Äôt blaring and Cuddle Parties never suffer from pitch-black ’Äúmood lighting’Äù like some bars do, so you’Äôll actually be able to see and hear the person you’Äôre talking to. Of course, if you’Äôre spooning with someone who’Äôs not very interesting, you might think you’Äôre caught in blind date hell, but Rule #6 clearly states that you are encouraged to change your mind anytime you want. So all you have to do is communicate that, excuse yourself and grab something to drink or go cuddle someone else.

Hmmmmmm... Now that I think of it, Cuddle Parties might be a great place to meet people, single or otherwise.

Of course, I wouldn’Äôt recommend that you troll Cuddle Party events looking for one-night cuddles and anonymous intimacy, but they are amazing spaces to connect with people, where communication, honesty and courage are the standard. And it does take courage to come to a Cuddle Party. Why? Because you might ask someone to cuddle and they just might say ’Äúno.’Äù Ouch! But they also might say ’Äúyes,’Äù and isn’Äôt that what, at some level, the singles scene is all about... eventually asking someone to cuddle?

For the women, you get to be in a situation with men where you can maintain control, and be with men who understand how to ask permission and how to respect a No. For the men, you get to take a break from the ’Äúgotta get the number’Äù game that sometimes runs our lives and just enjoy cuddling and connecting with people.

Of course, the reality of it is, that no matter what your gender, you get to meet people who understand that touch doesn’Äôt HAVE to be sexual, and enjoy touch and communictation and intimacy in a way that the ’Äúreal world’Äù doesn’Äôt seem to foster. Whether you’Äôre single or taken, married, widowed or divorced, in an open relationship, looking for love or just looking for cool friendships, working on healing yourself or working on perfecting your foot massage, Cuddle Parties might be the place for you.

And what if asking someone to cuddle does become the new ’ÄúWhat sign are you?’Äù question of this millenium? Would that be so bad?

Maybe not.

Posted: Sept. 6, 2004

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